neighbors
for whatever reason i've tended to have weird neighbors. not freaks or anything or people who seem out of their medication, rather fairly normal looking folks who turn out to be maniacs. or at least major pains in the ass. there is one neighbor who i don't know by name, but by car exhaust. she parks her car right next to my bedroom window (which i tend to leave open because i live in california and it's always warm outside) and is in the habit of letting her car warm up for about 20 minutes before she drives it. which is just the right amount of time to fill my apartment with just not quite enough car exhaust to render me incapable. i saw her at a gas station once and thought i would mention this to her but chickened out. mostly because she's like 80. also, because she complained about the noise i had at the one all night party i've ever had at my apartment and so i figure as long as she keeps trying to sort of kill me each day then i have a case for making lots of noise at all hours of the night. what's interesting about the time she complained about my party was that she did it 3 weeks after the fact. she called my superintendent. said if i did it again she'd call the cops. but i wonder if she'd call them the night of the party or a month later.
my new upstairs neighbors are two girls and live the exact opposite life i do. first they enjoy nothing more than clogs and find themselves constantly needing to walk the length of their apartment several times for something. then they like to invite all their friends (who apparently also enjoy wooden shoes) over at 3 am to help them walk all over the apartment. a few weeks ago they took up some kind of construction project which involved lots of drilling and lots of dropping heavy things on the floor every few minutes. then there is the question of their lovers. apparently both have several and i think there is a bit of sharing going on because i'll hear squeaking bed springs, moaning and wrestling, and then footsteps going from one room to the other and then what sounds like people being subbed in (i.e. multiple new footsteps running everywhere).
there is the girl down the hall who has taken it upon herself to install her own burglar alarm. i once thought that if she just put a sticker on her door saying she had a burglar alarm, or that none of the other apartments had one, then maybe would-be robbers would just make a note to skip her place and hit either mine or the girl across the hall. i also wonder what robber would be dumb enough to rob from the one apartment that is right in the front lobby where everyone is walking.
there is the neighbor i had a couple years ago who would almost always lose or forget her keys and need me to buzz her in. amazingly she always had the key to her actual apartment which begged the question why she kept the building door key on a separate chain. once she made an appearance outside my fire escape window at 3 am trying to get in through her kitchen window. what amazed me about that was that the fire escape ends/starts 20 some feet off the ground. and she was nowhere near tall enough to make even a leaping jump up to get on it from the ground. she and i moved out of that building the same weekend. she had movers, i had now former friends. during the occasional moments we were both outside our doors waiting for someone else to move something heavy she confided in me that she was moving out to move in with her boyfriend and that she thought maybe he was the biggest mistake of her life. all i could do was help hold her door open as the movers moved/broke her canopy bed and try to talk about something else.
the craziest neighbor i've ever had was the brother of these sisters who lived above me once. he had just gotten out of jail (for robbing graves and storing dismembered limbs in a freezer once) and needed a place to crash and also practice playing the drum he had built out of an old tree trunk at sunrise every morning. given the funny stories the sisters relayed to me about the grave robbing and limbs in the freezer, i opted to tolerate his daybreak sort-of conga playing. at least he didn't idle his car outside my window the whole time.
my new upstairs neighbors are two girls and live the exact opposite life i do. first they enjoy nothing more than clogs and find themselves constantly needing to walk the length of their apartment several times for something. then they like to invite all their friends (who apparently also enjoy wooden shoes) over at 3 am to help them walk all over the apartment. a few weeks ago they took up some kind of construction project which involved lots of drilling and lots of dropping heavy things on the floor every few minutes. then there is the question of their lovers. apparently both have several and i think there is a bit of sharing going on because i'll hear squeaking bed springs, moaning and wrestling, and then footsteps going from one room to the other and then what sounds like people being subbed in (i.e. multiple new footsteps running everywhere).
there is the girl down the hall who has taken it upon herself to install her own burglar alarm. i once thought that if she just put a sticker on her door saying she had a burglar alarm, or that none of the other apartments had one, then maybe would-be robbers would just make a note to skip her place and hit either mine or the girl across the hall. i also wonder what robber would be dumb enough to rob from the one apartment that is right in the front lobby where everyone is walking.
there is the neighbor i had a couple years ago who would almost always lose or forget her keys and need me to buzz her in. amazingly she always had the key to her actual apartment which begged the question why she kept the building door key on a separate chain. once she made an appearance outside my fire escape window at 3 am trying to get in through her kitchen window. what amazed me about that was that the fire escape ends/starts 20 some feet off the ground. and she was nowhere near tall enough to make even a leaping jump up to get on it from the ground. she and i moved out of that building the same weekend. she had movers, i had now former friends. during the occasional moments we were both outside our doors waiting for someone else to move something heavy she confided in me that she was moving out to move in with her boyfriend and that she thought maybe he was the biggest mistake of her life. all i could do was help hold her door open as the movers moved/broke her canopy bed and try to talk about something else.
the craziest neighbor i've ever had was the brother of these sisters who lived above me once. he had just gotten out of jail (for robbing graves and storing dismembered limbs in a freezer once) and needed a place to crash and also practice playing the drum he had built out of an old tree trunk at sunrise every morning. given the funny stories the sisters relayed to me about the grave robbing and limbs in the freezer, i opted to tolerate his daybreak sort-of conga playing. at least he didn't idle his car outside my window the whole time.
posted by Me at 8:17 PM
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