fights

there are few altercations as enjoyable to watch as a drunk person taking on a crazy person on the subway. as i took the 6 train into work today i couldn't help but notice the screaming rants of the man standing next to me. he was carrying a bunch of cardboard and some metal poles. as though he was going to build the worlds sturdiest totally flamable shitty fort. he started telling everyone on the train excatly how mayor bloomberg was cheating the city out of billions of dollars, presumbably because people bought New York Newsday newspaper. His speech lasted only a few minutes, so he decided to repeat it verbatim 4 times. Around the 2nd time the sleeping drooling man to my right woke up and began analyzing the crazy man's discourse. After listening to and taking in his ideas about the corrupt publishing empire and misuse of city funds, the drunk man naturally enough asked "Are you a pedaphile?" The crazy man in turn asked the other passengers on the train to help him refute the drunk mans acusations and said some almost coherent things about the michael jackson trial and new york fire department. The drunk man now stood up and went over to the crazy man so they could stare into each others lazy eyes and debate properly. He made a chicken dance motion and told the crazy man to go home and shut the fuck up, although presumably not in that order. The crazy man wanted him to produce evidence of the pedaphile business. This went on for two stops. Finally the drunk man said that he was becoming so enraged by the crazy man that he was going to get off the train. Which he did. As it happens I did too. So no idea what crazy man did afterwards.
At lunch i saw another, although much smaller and not as funny, arguement at the deli. A woman who falsely claimed she'd won the lottery was trying to get the cashier to pay her out a huge sum. The cashier lost her shit and said that the woman's voice was driving her insane. Unable to do anything about her voice the woman kept talking as she had been, although now her demands went from untold thousands in lottery winnings to four quarters for a dollar. like the drunk man in the morning, the cashier suddenly became so overwhelmed that she had to leave the cashier screaming. among her final acts was to ban the woman from the store and make someone else get the woman her change since she was "too excited" to deal with her anymore.
i would hope that the cashier and drunk man find each other, as do the crazy man and woman who felt she won the lottery. and go on a double date in a small cramped space or something.